Movie Review #63: Suicide Club

Posted: August 2, 2012 in Movies
Tags: , ,

My girlfriend Jessica does not like gory stuff. She doesn’t seem to like to see people break things or hear things crack or see people get smashed.

So, the question is: why did she make me wait to watch it with her? Lets rank the reasons.

4. She’s lying to herself
I think secretly she loves it. Just like when all of us watch movies like this, we have to be masochists to even bother watching these. It’s self-torture, but we like it. This movie is super crazy and doesn’t have any real philosophical reason for being crazy. That’s most of J-Horror, but that’s what we seem to like about it.

3. It’s a well respected movie
I don’t know how it’s come to be, but this movie gets a lot of respect. It did do some really crazy things, I suppose. It breaks the rules in that the bad guy never even comes close to being caught, sorta. It’s both an interesting detective story and a gory murder horror thingy. They made 2 sequels of it and the director works a lot. It’s a hit.

2. People seem to like it
I swear I hear about this movie all the time. It’s this and Battle Royal that get all of the attention nowadays. Used to be Ringu and Ju-On, but not any more. These movies are doing something different that people seem to be into right now. More gory, lets ghosty. I think I like the ghost stuff more, but thats neither here nor there.

1. She likes me
I’m a sucker for this type of movie. Actually, I went out of my way to watch this movie. On my Watch Instant Queue, a movie called Nokito’s Dinner Table made it to the top of the queue. I started watching it and had no idea what was going on. I looked it up on Wikipedia and, whoops, it was this movie’s sequel. Welp, i went and rented this movie immediately and watched it.

Overall, I wouldn’t call this my favorite J-Horror. I think I’m more into the more surreal or ghost related ones. These gore, but somewhat realistic movies sit in an unsatisfying place for me. I’d rather be completely blown away scared or grossed out, but this lands somewhere short of both.

But thanks to Jessica for watching it with me, despite her fears.


Dude, this movie is bonk. Is that a good enough review for everyone?

Here’s the thing, this movie isn’t just bonkers, it’s really really brilliant too.

Have you ever met someone that is constantly doing insane things, but it turns out they’re really a super genius? And for the most part you’re all like “pshh, they’re not as brilliant as everyone says.” Then you see them do some ape-shit crazy thing and you’re like “….uh… ok. That… was pretty sweet.” That’s what this movie does.

Lars Von Trier, everyones favorite crazy person, has done some movies I don’t care for so much. And many times I think to myself that he’s more indie cred than actual performance, but then I go back and watch something brilliant like this.

This movie is a commentary on… everything!

It’s a commentary on Dogma 95. It takes the genre that he helped to invent and stands it on its head. We’re talking about a genre that consists of like 150 movies ever! Thats not even a genre! That’s a bookshelf. You can fit more DVDs than that in a 1990s rich kid’s CD binder.

Yet this movie shows what is both brilliant and lacking about that genre. It shows Dogma in most of the regular parts of the movie, but then adds Musical and dancing and singing to the dream sequences. It’s absurd and surreal mixed with the ultra real.

I’ll admit… Bjork is… not my favorite part of this movie. She does an oddly great job in the acting portion, but her musical contributions for the most part annoy me more than being awesome. But the story is so epic, the more I think about it. Its beautifully insane. I love it.

I’m a fan of Lars, but I try not to be just because it’s cool to be. There is so much to analyze about his work. lets put a list together of what i’ve seen of his:

6. Meloncholia
5. The Idiots
4. Breaking the Waves
3. Europa
2. Dancer in the Dark
1. Antichrist

Haven’t seen Dogville. It’s next on my To-Do List. Should I?

Minority Report vs. The Adventures of Tin Tin

Ok, so there’s some set of people in the world that were really excited that The Adventures of Tin Tin happened, right? I mean, did Spielberg pull one over on someone, or is there really a set of people that are fascinated by this old european cartoon? I’m pretty sure Spielberg is an evil genius.

I don’t know, the idea was strong, I guess. Basically, a kid adventurer and intrigue and foreign locations and such, but it never connects for me. First of all, its a little obsessed with 3D, which I’m getting a little sad about the more of those I see. But it’s just not that good of a movie overall. The story is just sorta happening.

Minority Report might not be the best movie I’ve ever seen, but its far superior in this fight. It’s a lot of fun. To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but I’m pretty sure I like that movie. It’s got some serious cultural significance, for sure. There’s a lot of great action and a great and interesting vision of the future. Heck, it might be Tom Cruises best movie for all that matters.

I think this is an easy fight, but what might be clear now is that I didn’t care for Tin Tin all that much. I’m not a fan. Maybe you are. Maybe you like that creepy action animation. Maybe you’d beg to differ me?

In a fit of boredom, mixed with a need for something to make fun of for the rest of the weekend, my friend Baker and I went to see AL:VH something like 1.5 months after it was released.

I had wanted to see it when it came out, but I never got around to it. It didn’t get good reviews and I tend to agree. Its a fun movie and there’s nothing particularly wrong with it, but it’s not great in any way and it seems to be too excited about 3d, especially given that I saw it in 2d.

That being said, I do continue to like the work of Timur Bekskeakksksnananananov, or however that’s spelled. I love me some Night Watch. Still haven’t seen Day Watch, which I can hardly forgive myself for, and I really like Wanted. I want this guy to have success, but this movie didn’t pay off for him. I’m not exactly sure what could have been done though.

I don’t think more ‘silliness’ would have suited this movie. To be honest, I think it almost lost in everyone’s mind already because it was too silly a concept for them. Even taking everything 100% serious, which thankfully this movie didn’t, would not have brought people into the theater to see this.

I enjoyed this movie. Lots of really goofy things for my friends and I to make fun of, but also some good action. I also liked the little bits of history that they stuck in there, despite however bonkers off reality they are.

I would definitely recommend you see this when it’s free to do so. It’s a fun time to be had by all. Wouldn’t you agree???

Fight #3: The Color Purple vs. AI: Artificial Intelligence

Ok, everyone. Here’s your first chance to truly disagree with me. Because I’m about to make a passionate argument for why I think AI is one of Spielberg’s best.

1. Its Philosophical. I love anything that has to do with the epistemology or existentialism. AI is a great examination of what it is to be real. It also does some really interesting literary things, by drawing interesting parallels to Pinocchio. The Color Purple is passionate and historically relevant, but I like the philosophy more.

2. Its the more Spielberg-y movie. Robots and love. Friendship and aliens. The future and children. Need i say more to prove this is the better Spielberg movie?

3. I wont claim it has better performances by the actors, but I will claim it’s a better performance by the director. It takes a certain vision in order to do a great job with a sci-fi movie. It’s a lot easier to stage and direct a passionate script with actors at their absolute finest.

Here’s my point. I’d be willing to be convinced that The Color Purple is the better movie, but I don’t see how that makes it a better Spielberg movie. You can feel him in AI. You can see his vision. I think that matters in some cases and I think this is one. I think there are other non-spiel-y movies that could beat AI, but I don’t think this is the one. But what about you?

Dude. This movie Gross! I left out the verb in that previous sentence because I was afraid it would throw up if it had to participate. I don’t need verb throw-up on my blog, a thank you very much!


Ok, so there are three parts of this movie, showing the story of three generations of one family, which I will now rank and describe:

3. Part II – The Eater.
So this movie is supposed to be about the way that Eastern European society, following WWII has been a complete mess. That’s pretty obvious in this section, but I hated it. It was gross, but this section, I felt was more gross without substance. It was harsh and mean to society for sure, but I don’t think it added nearly as much as the other sections.

2. Part I – The sexually frustrated Private.
In the first part of the movie, this guy gets the sad end of life on this military installment. He cleans up after everyone and masturbates a lot. Then he has sex with a lady and the eater, described above, comes into existence. I’m not really sure what this part of the movie is supposed to be about. I guess that the generation 2 ago was the starting reason for the downward slide. Uh, whatever.

1. Part III – The Taxidermist.
So, in part 3, the kid has grown up to be a good taxidermist, but his dad is a sad sack of shit. He eats butter and chocolate and feeds butter to his cats. Whatever, eventually, the kid forgets to cage up the cats and they eat the dad. Boohoo. But I guess the kid feels bad for himself, cuz he is pretty ugly, so he taxidermies himself to death. His body is then displayed as art by our shitty decadent, heartless society. Got it. We suck.

Ok, so this movie is pretty damn disgusting and I wouldn’t recommend it to about 91% of the audience of this blog, but I will recommend it to the philosophy majors out there and the gross-out seekers. This is a must see if you like the gross-out, but a maybe see if you like Eastern European 20th century commentary.

(This review is #1 of 6 [or more] of the commentaries of the Star Wars Bluerays.)

No point in me reviewing this movie again. Heck, no point in me reviewing it in the first place. I had an idea though… should I mention it here? I had a fun idea to write reviews that were “Top # things that are stupid about (insert favorite movie)”. So I could be like “Top 4 things that are dumb in Terminator 2” even though I LOVE Terminator 2. Just a thought.

Anyway, I wanted to make an attempt to review the commentaries of these DVDs. I love dvd commentaries. Its a great way to watch a movie you’ve seen before but get something more out of it. Specifically movies I’ve seen 1000 times. Those movies can truly be spiced up by hearing a new commentary.

This movie’s commentary was a mixed bag. It was a combination of three people: Lucas, the sound editor who’s name I can’t remember and Carrie Fisher. They didn’t commentate together, which leads me to believe they hate each other, haha, but their commentaries were edited together. here’s how I’d rank how much I liked each of them being there:

3. Carrie Fisher
2. George Lucas
1. Sound Editor Guy

Let me start by saying that the stuff that Lucas said might have been interesting, but honestly I knew a lot of it. It was cool to hear what he had to say, but it wasn’t enlightening.

Carrie Fisher’s comments were crap. For the most part, she was being snarky and mean. She wasn’t funny though I’m sure she thought she was. She seemed so jaded about the entire thing.

The Sound Editor guy wasn’t the best, but at least he added a bunch of stuff I’d never thought of to hear about. He made up all of the sound effects from scratch for this movie. For example the sound of the lasers from the ships is created from him hearing electricity the twang of large cables that hold up radio towers. BET YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT!

Overall, not one of the best commentaries I’ve ever heard, but there are 11 more to go through, so here’s hoping.